i have grown to be quite apathetic. fell pretty hard but slowly i see God picking me back up to my feet.
i’ve grown to not care for absolutely anything. and it made me frustrated and friggin dabdabhae as to why i felt so apathetic towards everything. and that just made me even more pissed off and more apathetic.
but i think i needed this time. it helped me take a step back and realized where i really stood without the chaotic noise from DPD responsibilities and kccc stuff. where i really stood with God.
and today, God made me a listener. He made absolutely no words come out of my mouth but my ears and my attention were all on my friend as we had a really good spiritual conversation. as he talked, it just got me thinking and step by step i got to the core to the reason why i fell so hard.
the people that God put in my life… what’d i do to deserve them honestly. i’m always grateful whenever i talk to them.. beyond grateful.
My eyes widened and my heart just dropped. Guess I never really thought about you much after we spoke our last words to each other. I never thought of meeting you ever again.. not even bump into you. It never crossed my mind.
You were out of my life and that’s all that mattered to me. So I never really thought about how I would react when I do bump into you or what I would say or what I’d do.
This is something unimaginable to me. And definitely something I do NOT want to think about.
You brought me no joy when I was with you. You brought me no joy after we left each other’s lives.
You left me miserable.. How can I look into the eyes of the one who tore my life apart?
But you’d probably think the same. Whatever.. shake it off.
started off with picking up @jesskayho in the morning and doing the most retarded things that only the 2 of us can do. LOL<3
then dimsum in the morning with my 2 sisters (jess + dragon) from QC. it was supposed to be with the fresh5 but the guys couldn’t make it. (sad!) but the fact that one really wanted to go, but scheduling didn’t work out, made up for it. so it was just the girls, and honestly it was a really nice time. spending quality time with my girls, it was a good start.
afterwards, had small group with my soonwon who bought me a little cake :D found that really sweet and on top of that, small group with her was a blessing. just looking at her i really pray that our small group would continue to grow and we would be able to grow together. it made me think and reflect on how much i really want my soonwons to grow and how much i really want God to utilize me as an instrument for them.
THENN rushed over to sports day practice and played some volleyball. besides the fact that i slipped and fell on my back, the vball team surprised me with a cake T-T plus 2 brothers bought me a rice cooker with rice and a few random sponges.
had to go to geth after so rushed back home to change then headed out to flushing to go to the city. i was supposed to have dinner with a friend afterwards and he said it was just us two. so the fact that 2 of my friends were rushing me back to flushing raised up suspicion and i thought i caught on. we ended up all eating as a campus but at the restaurant, i saw 2 of my friends (one i haven’t seen in a while) at the restaurant too. and i thought that was the surprise. so afterwards, everyone was going home and i really thought it ended….
until it was just the 2 of us in the car and all of a sudden i’m blindfolded with music blasting so i don’t hear anything. the whole time i was wondering where he was taking me and the whole time i was thinking.. it’s just us two.
then to my surprise, i was in the little area in between the brooklyn bridge and manhattan bridge. if you know me, i love scenic views and this was perfect. AGAIN, i thought it was us two… until i turned around with my friends right behind me singing happy birthday.
never in my life did i have something this touching move me to tears. i felt grateful, blessed, happy all at once. to have friends take the time to try to surprise me and it worked.
God continues to remind me that i’m loved and He shows His love through the people He’s blessed my life with. slowly as time passes by, God reveals to me why He put me in QC. one of the reasons, He surrounded me with amazing brothers & sisters.
except janice. He put her in my life from way back when and still we continue to stand strong in our friendship.
there’s no words to describe how grateful i was. i literally stood there speechless and probably retarded because i had no words to say. i was just in awe at the scenery and the cake and the people who came out.